


Ideal Recovery

by HippieGirl93



Category: Call the Midwife, pupcake - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 01:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11498685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HippieGirl93/pseuds/HippieGirl93
Summary: Set just after series 4: After Delia's accident Patsy can't lose the love she's found especially when she never thought she would find it. She begs Mr and Mrs Busby that she accompany them back to Wales to become Delia's personal nurse. AKA the one where Patsy is at Delia's side constantly. Romance and drama abound.





	1. Dazed and confused

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all this is my first fanfic - I've read plenty though! I'm used to writing original screenplays and not so used to novel format which is something I really want to get better at, and hopefully be published one day soon. Right now fanfic seems a bit easier to work on, so I'm going with it haha.
> 
> I've had the idea for this since series 4 ended and we were all heartbroken. I'm surprised no one else thought of this, but I'm also glad because it means I can write it! This is probably going to be 20 - 30 chapters long. I've outlined the first 10 chapters already and am only just under half way through my summary. So here you go, and I hope you enjoy it! :)

She couldn’t breath. Everything was scoldingly hot and freezing cold at the same time swarming throughout her body. Blood ran cold and skin prickled and burned. Her breath felt like daggers in her chest. Her Delia had been knocked off of  _ her _  bike. That darned bike had a special knack to it and she knew Delia wasn’t that proficient at riding it. Now her darling Delia could be dead - she had no idea. All anyone at Nonnatus could tell her was that they thought it was her - Patsy - that had been hit. A flood of relief filled the others, but sent Patsy in a whirl.

She rushed to the telephone in a blind, shaky panic - her legs barely daring to hold her. Reaching the hall and standing in front of the phone Patsy realized all she could hear was her rapid pulse and sharp breath. The phone would be useless if she couldn’t hear - damn her stupid body not doing what she wanted.

Nurse Crane (Phyllis), Barbara and Sister Winifred were all in the clinic room opposite the telephone watching their friend and colleague Patsy struggling to talk to the matron at the hospital on the other end of the line. Patsy hated that she had to say she was only Delia’s  _ friend _ \- not the woman she loved. Rules being rules, as well Patsy knew, meant that a ‘friend’ wasn’t allowed information. She had to hang up and put a brave face on. Phyllis asked if there was any news and if she might want a lift to the London Hospital? They’d already told her she wouldn’t be able to see her yet because she wasn’t family. It was excruciatingly painful. It was wrong, so wrong!

Patsy locked herself in the bathroom and slumped to the floor, shaky tear-filled sobs over-coming her.  _ Was she alive? They said that they can’t give me information about a patient... Does that mean she’s alive? But how bad is she?! It was a car for heavens sake! AND it made a mess of the bike! What could it have done to Delia?! _

__

The bathroom door flung open suddenly and Trixie swept in. Patsy was held by Trixie’s slender arms, she clung on to her uniform, her voice cracking as she tried to say...? Something? Anything! What could she say?! No one could ever know about her and Delia’s relationship. Trixie might be modern and forward-thinking, but she’d never understand  _ that. _

It was early evening and Patsy was due on shift, Trixie knew there was no way Patsy would be able too, so she took charge. She got Patsy to their room, sat her on her bed, plied her with a stiff drink and promptly went to find someone to take over her shift. Patsy downed the drink in 2 gulps, coughing at the burning whisky.

“Sister Mary Cynthia is going to take over from you and I’ve informed Sister Julienne of the situation.” Patsy jumped at Trixie suddenly speaking to her from the doorway. Still she couldn’t speak. Trixie took her glass and brought back a larger serve of drink.

Patsy took another large gulp. “I’m sorry” she choked at Trixie, looking sheepish with tear marks all over her face.

“What on earth for?” Trixie’s brow furrowed.

“Being a blubbering mess.” She couldn’t look at Trixie.

“Don’t be silly. She’s your best friend of course you’re going to be this upset.” Trixie sat next to her on the bed and put her arm around her. They sat in silence, Patsy drinking and Trixie bringing her another. Far too soon Barbara came in to tell them dinner was ready. 

Trixie dragged Patsy with her, being too afraid to leave the redhead by herself for fear of her drinking herself to death. Patsy sat in silence not eating while the conversation around her was muted and cautious. Suddenly Patsy was in her bedroom again in her pyjamas. She sat on the window sill smoking through her whole pack of cigarettes and finishing Trixie’s bottle of whiskey. Trixie watched for a while before being too tired to stay up.

“Night Pats... Wake me up if you need me...” Trixie smiled tightly at Patsy who continued looking out the window. The last light turned off in Nonnatus House while Patsy was frozen in time begging herself not to sleep in case something happened. But even if it did no one was going to call her and tell her. But still it felt important to stay awake for Delia, it’s as if, if she slept Delia would need her and she couldn’t help. There was another reason, it was always the same after a traumatic day. The nightmares would come back from her childhood. She didn’t have the energy to fight with disease and cruel soldiers all night in her dreams. She migrated to her bed continuing to drink and smoke, silent tears running down her face.

She slept for probably 2 hours for the whole night enduring different horrors than the day had brought. The next morning Patsy was covered in cold sweat with a tension headache. Lying in bed was suffocating. She threw herself out of the blankets, dressed in green tartan slacks, a white blouse and green cardigan and marched off to the kitchen for the biggest, strongest coffee anyone had ever drunk.

Patsy decided she’d wait till a more appropriate time to call the hospital again, in the meantime there was coffee. And cigarettes. The whole house was quiet - it was only 6 am. Shuffling in the hall a while later indicated the Nuns were awake and going to morning prayers in the chapel. She herself had a distaste for religion and always ignored the prayer-time sounds from the chapel. Today was different. Today the hymns were an angelic whisper floating like dust carried on wind throughout the building and hitting Patsy in the chest. One didn’t need to believe in a god for the music to be comforting and beautiful. She uncontrollably released a large breath. A plan formed in her mind. Plans were good. Plans were safe. She’d buy flowers and go straight to the hospital regardless of whatever they said on the phone to her later.

To Patsy’s surprise later on the phone the hospital confirmed Delia could have a visitor and that her parents were with her. This was it, she was alive and she could go be with her love.

Patsy rushed to buy flowers from the market on the way to the hospital. She was breathless by the time she reached the correct ward. She paused outside the door to compose herself. She pushed through the double doors onto the correct corridor and saw a middle-aged woman through the door to Delia’s room, the woman stood and walked out - nearly into Patsy while clutching a handkerchief to her face. 

“Can I help you dear?” The Welsh accent was obvious, this had to be Delia’s mother.

“Are you Delia’s mother?” Patsy was genuinely happy to meet the woman, so she smiled as best she could.

“Yes, I am.”

“I was hoping to see her. I’m Patsy”

“Patsy? Oh of course. You’re the lady she helps at cubs. I had to ring for the nurse, she has these spells... seizures the doctors call them. On account of the knock to her head.”

Mrs Busby went on to explain that Delia had amnesia. A sickening drop occurred inside Patsy at that moment. The thought had never crossed her mind that Delia might not be ‘all there’, she was much more worried her love would be unconscious or in severe pain. In hindsight and in a clearer state of mind it would have been obvious to the red-headed nurse that brain damage was likely. But... But surely she’d remember Patsy? The woman she loved.

***

_ Green walls. Stiff white sheets hemming her in. A chair. Beeps. A lot of beeping. Movement was nearly impossible - everything was so heavy! What on earth had happened to make her feel like this?? _

__

Delia’s eyes fluttered open, blurry and confused after her seizure. Mrs Busby had waited with Patsy outside the room for a moment until Delia recovered from the seizure. The Nurse started propping Delia up against her pillows. Patsy sat in the chair next to Delia’s bed and Mrs Busby left.

All that crossed Delia’s mind was;  _ the woman with the red hair is beautiful. She’s touching my hand... this is a strange sort of feeling. I don’t know her, but I want to. I made her cry. Who’s this coming into the room? _

__

“What’s the matter cariad?” Mrs Busby asked Delia, worry very much etched on her face.

_ That’s an awfully fond way of speaking to a stranger. Oh. She’s my mother. That’s right, I have been told that. And I’ve had an accident to do with a car. And I keep making people cry because I don’t remember them. Why don’t I remember... Patsy was it? Why do I know someone so posh sounding? Who am I? _

__

_ *** _

Moments later still clutching the flowers for her girlfriend, Patsy sat in the corridor with Delia’s mother. Apparently the doctors weren’t making any promises for Delia’s memory returning, and then the bottom dropped out of Patsy’s world for the second time that day. They were taking Delia home to Wales in a week! So soon. She was too fragile surely? But no, the doctors had recommended it. No visiting, no phone calls, but she was allowed to write. What could one possibly write to one’s secret girlfriend with amnesia?!

Patsy went back to their flat that they shared only for a night. All the things they should’ve done last night, the time wasted and the never-going-to-happens hung in the stale, quiet air around her. The remnants of yesterdays picnic sat on a rug on the floor. Patsy held her breath so she wouldn’t scream. Cleaning was the only thing that would help now. Scrubbing every last inch of the place would make it better - or at least she wouldn’t have to think about it for a little while. Who wants to think about their world ending?

Patsy kneeled while vigorously scrubbing a windowsill till the paint came off on the brush. She stopped. This was ridiculous. How could she lose her mother and sister so tragically, then have her father leave her, and now that she’s been brave and opened her heart to someone after years, she’s lost her too.  _ How is it possible to feel this heartbroken? _ But what could she do? She couldn’t very well demand they stay! And she couldn’t invite herself into Delia’s home either. No matter how close and in love they were, no one could ever know. She was suddenly bitter. So bitter and angry. If they were married Patsy would be in charge of her care and would be comforted. She’d be coming home with her. She’d have a ring on her finger to prove what they were to each other. A thought occurred.  _ What happened to the ring I did give her?  _ They’d both decided it was best to keep it on a necklace hidden under her clothes. It had belonged to Patsy’s mother and was the only thing she left the camp with at the end of the war. Delia knew how much it meant to Patsy which just made the whole gesture so much more poignant. Who knows what Delia or her mother would make of the ring on a necklace with no explanation, when it was found in Delia’s possessions?

She couldn’t leave it like that with Delia, she had to do something. Something to ensure she didn’t lose her Deels. She’d looked so frail, so damaged. A sob hit her hard, she clutched her chest and fell to the floor. Laying down on the floor felt good, she was exhausted but she’d completely forgotten she was. She slept for a few hours and dreamt of nothing but Delia. Holding her, walking with her, dancing, Deels laughing, and finally helping Delia recover. Brushing her hair for her, bringing her food and sitting with her for hours while she slept.

Patsy woke up knowing that that’s what she wanted and she was going to fight for it, damn it! To take care of Delia any way she could. She shut the door to the flat, ran off and returned the keys to the landlord, then remembered where she left the flowers. A mad dash to a florists and then the bus to the hospital was the plan now. The bus felt far too slow, she could never get to Deels fast enough!

***

Mr Busby was sat by Delia in her bed trying to jog her memory of Wales, in a vain hope that might trigger the rest of Delia’s memories. He told her stories of her childhood at the beach. A vision of somehow familiar red hair caught Delia’s attention outside the door to her room, making her completely forget the beach she was trying to imagine. Mr Busby turned from Delia’s stunned face to see Patsy standing at the door. Patsy smiled weakly and entered with a new bunch of pink flowers. 

“Sorry to interrupt, I’m Patsy, Delia’s friend.” She offered out her hand and shook Mr Busby’s. He smiled warmly  _ like a father should _ .

“That’s quite alright, I’m Huw, I’m Delia’s father.”

“Oh. Oh of course you are. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Here have my chair, I’ll get another.”

Patsy sat stiffly trying to hide her surprise at his kind demeanour. “Thank you.” Huw brought another chair over to the other side of Delia’s bed from Patsy. “I brought you these Deels. Do you remember me from this morning?” Patsy tweaked the petals of a pink rose while talking.

Delia was stunned at the beautiful woman sat in front of her and hadn’t managed to speak yet.  _ Did she remember her? That hair is so familiar. _

“Did we meet this morning?” Her face a mix of apologetic and confused.

“Yes I came to see you this morning, but I didn’t give you the flowers then, and I’m sorry, so I brought you some more.” Patsy handed Delia the delicate flowers in their cellophane and ribbons.

“I love pink roses.” She looked up confused. “I mean, thank you.” Patsy smiled as Delia smelled the roses, making her smile slightly. Everything in the hospital smelled of antiseptic and cloth bandages. 

“Well that’s a lovely thought of you Patsy. You must know our Delia very well.” Huw smiled warmly at Patsy for being so kind to his only daughter.

“Ah, yes, we’re quite close.” Patsy couldn’t look either of them in the eye as she said that, but she looked up and forced a smile. “Where’s Delia’s mother? I’d expected to see her.”

“Ah she’s gone for a coffee in the hospital canteen. Complaining all the way I’m afraid.” He smiled at Delia like she knew what he meant, then had to clarify for both ladies who had no idea what he was talking about. Huw was finding it hard to remember that Delia didn’t. “She has a bit of a dislike for England, London in particular.” Delia received another smile from Huw. Poor Delia, so dazed by the medication and the knock to her head.

Patsy worked up her courage. She could speak to this man, he was kind and more importantly he was like Delia, well Delia was like him. “Ah, Mr Busby-“

“Huw please, seeing as you know my daughter so well.”

Patsy smiled awkwardly and went to speak. “I... um. Huw I was thinking that Delia’s going to need a lot of care when you take her home and-“

Patsy was cut off by Mrs Busby bursting in the room mumbling about the state of coffee in London. 

“Oh, Hello Patsy.” Mrs Busby stalled at seeing Patsy.

Huw looked between the women and offered his wife his chair. Mrs Busby looked confused but took the chair. Huw stood at the end of the bed and urged Patsy to continue. “Go on dear, what were you saying Patsy?” Mrs Busby looked interested.

“I...” Mrs Busby was so much more intimidating than Huw.  _ Fight for your love  _ she egged herself on. “I’ve been thinking about how much care Delia needs and I was hoping to speak to her doctors, well I’m a nurse you see, and well I was hoping also that I could maybe, maybe volunteer myself as her personal Nurse when you take her home?” What a garbled bloody sentence, she berated herself for it and gulped, nervously glancing between the two parents. Chancing a glance at Delia she saw her smile a bit. 

_ Delia smiled. This beautiful woman wants to look after me? But... why do I care so much? _

“We couldn’t pay you dear.” Mrs Busby finally spoke.

“Yes and that would be an awful inconvenience to you too, wouldn’t it?” Huw added with a curious look.

“You’re a nurse?” Delia was staring at Patsy. “They told me I’m a nurse too.”

“Um, yes, that’s how we met a few years ago.” Delia studied Patsy’s face. Patsy had to look away. “I can sort out any arrangements or problems I have in the meantime before Delia’s discharged, it really wouldn’t be any problem for me and I’d be happy to do it.” She took a deep breath, she had to sell this. “It would take an awful lot of pressure off of the both of you and I’ve been a nurse for years, I know all about administering medication and how to care for someone severely ill.”

“We couldn’t ask that of you.” Mrs Busby looked conflicted. “I mean, why would you do it?”

Patsy had to think of something convincing and concrete as to why she wanted to nurse Delia. She looked down trying not to cry, she’d have to let herself be open for a bit. “Delia’s my best friend. She’s helped me through tough times and I’ve been able to confide in her when I couldn’t anyone else. I want to help her, I want her to have the best treatment and to know she’s safe. Besides, I’d miss her far too much if she left.” She turned to Delia with a smile. “Even though you can’t remember me, I still care for you very much.” She swallowed down a sob. “And... and I always will.” 

_ Was this too much? Would they suspect?     _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! So there we go. The first time I've shared my writing with, well, anyone kind of. Hopefully I haven't omitted any mistakes in my editing!


	2. Medical clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel I didn't so well with this chapter, but let me know what you think anyway. :)

Delia’s father Huw spoke up first at Patsy’s emotional admission. “Well I think it sounds like a most reasonable idea. But I’m sure it would be terribly boring staying in a sleepy town in Wales compared to London.”

Patsy shook her head. “I find my work to be anything but boring, and I’d be doing a lot of it.” Turning to Delia she smiled. “You’ve always said Pembrokeshire is lovely. I’m sure I’ll like it there.” Patsy turned to Mrs Busby. “That is, if I’m allowed to be Delia’s nurse?”

Mrs Busby was utterly perplexed. “We really mean it. We couldn’t pay you a thing.”

Patsy closed her eyes and she shook her head again. “I wouldn’t accept even if you did try to pay me. I’m not motivated by money.”

Delia watched Patsy intently.  _ This woman must be some sort of angel to give up her whole life to look after me. _

__

“Shall we have a chat to the doctors and see what they say?” Huw smiled at his wife who looked wary. Mrs Busby cared for her daughter dearly and Patsy was making a good, sensible point.

“Alright, we’ll talk with the doctors.” Mrs Busby acquiesced.

Delia felt thrilled - as much as she could be in her drugged up state.

The doctor in charge of Delia’s case was brought in a few minutes later, and was very satisfied with the idea. Discharging Delia and sending her home with a qualified nurse would be a much better option. The doctor - Mr Pearce took Patsy to his office and went through Delia’s file with her. This felt right, this was Patsy’s place. 

Delia’s physical injuries weren’t serious; left wrist sprained, left ankle sprained, 2 broken ribs on left side, bruises and scrapes all over, and an impact on the right side of her skull. The seizures and memory loss were the only worrying feature of her condition. She was finding it difficult to make new memories, but had improved since she first woke up, so the outlook for making future memories was positive. She’d been unconscious for around an hour after the accident - the longer time spent unconscious the more damage could be expected as a general rule. 

Delia was on a combined sedative/anticonvulsant and pain relief, and was to be discharged in a week. Patsy had a week to sort things out - at least she didn’t have to pack, everything she owned was already packed and waiting for the move to the flat.

Patsy walked slowly back to Delia’s room soaking in all of the information Mr Pearce had given her. She held her arms around herself protectively while deep in thought. There was some hope of Delia recovering her memories, and most likely they would come back in the sequence they were made. The seizures and any possible undetected damage on the other hand was more up in the air. Once her cranial swelling had disappeared there was the possibility and hope of the seizures easing off. Patsy hoped they wouldn’t be permanent, she’d lose her whole life if she could have a seizure at any moment.

Back outside Delia’s room Patsy watched Huw and Mrs Busby.  _ I really must ask the woman her first name.  _ Huw was quite a rotund man with a kind, calm demeanour. Mrs Busby on the other hand could obviously be sharp-tongued and bossy, and there was something more stiff about her manor, Patsy sensed she didn’t like her, or anyone else very much.

Patsy opened the door quietly as both of Delia’s parents turned to look at her. Delia smiled upon seeing Patsy coming back. Patsy felt a jolt go through her seeing Delia so happy to see her. “I thought I’d just let you all know that Mr Pearce has filled me in and my offer is still on the table.” Patsy stood at the foot of Delia’s bed with her hands folded in front of her.

“Well it seems we can’t refuse then.” Huw smiled and stood, taking a very shocked Patsy into his arms for a hug. “Our girl is going to have the best care possible.”

“Just wait a minute-” Mrs Busby went to protest.

Huw sat back down. “Now hang on Anwen, it would be good for our Delia to have a nurse with her. God knows what we would do if Delia had a seizure in front of us. And it would be good for her to have a friend with her too. With Patsy she’ll have both of those things.”

Anwen nodded. “I know you’re right. I just don’t feel very comfortable.”

“I say yes too. I think that means you’re out-voted.” Delia replied cheekily, looking more and more like herself by the minute. Patsy grinned but tried not to let Anwen see. Her face though was shocked. Huw scratched his head thinking his wife was about to blow her top.

“I... Well I suppose I am.” Anwen relented. “But we don’t know how long Delia’s going to need care.” She looked to Patsy concerned. “You won’t have any wages coming in, we’re quite humble people I’m afraid.”

“There’s no need to worry about me. I have sufficient means.” Patsy looked away guiltily, she never spoke about money, especially to people not as well-off as her own family.

“Sorry dear, but how?” Anwen was still concerned.

“My family, well my father, has always... um.. he gave me a savings account and pays into it in place of actually seeing me. So I’m quite alright.” She smiled like everything was absolutely fine and decided to change the subject as quickly as possible.

“Now, are we in agreement? I’m sure you’d like to spend time alone with Delia, and I really must get home, I’m due on shift” Patsy lied and desperately tried for cheery. Delia looked sad.  _ Sad because I’m leaving? That’s far too hopeful, she’s probably sad  _ for _ me. _

__

_ “ _ Yes. Yes of course.” Huw stood and shook her hand. “We definitely have a deal. I suppose you’ll be coming back tomorrow and we can make some plans. What do you say?”

“Yes, absolutely.” Patsy smiled gratefully for not talking about her father. “Thank you.” She shook Anwen’s hand, then looked awkwardly at Delia. Could she hug her girl now? Was that okay? She was going to be brave, she’d promised herself that. She stepped toward Delia and gave her a sort-of hug. “Bye old thing.”

“Goodbye, Patsy.” Delia tried to hug her back with sore arms. Patsy smelt good, but with a horrible hint of bleach, but it was familiar and she liked it.

Anwen watched Delia smile and close her eyes while hugging Patsy, and wondered just how close her girl was with this very, posh woman...

Patsy left the family to it and got on a bus back to Nonnatus house feeling %100 better than she thought she had in years, the weight was lifted and she could breath again.

***

Patsy smiled at the cold November air hitting her face on the walk from the bus to the door of Nonnatus. Everything was actually going to be okay. And if it wasn’t, then she’d be there to help. She opened the heavy front door and closed it quietly, fully intent on nipping upstairs undetected. 

“Patsy!” With one foot on the first step, Patsy turned to see Trixie walking down the hall towards her. 

“Is she alright? Did you get to see her? You were off before anyone else could see you.” Trixie spoke rather frantically. Patsy suddenly realized nobody else knew what she did.

“Ah yes, she’s... well yes, she’ll be okay hopefully.” Patsy didn’t quite know how to tell her what was happening. She couldn’t tell Trixie how heart-breaking it was to see Delia all broken and not remembering her.

“What are her injuries??”

“I... would it be alright if I go freshen up then tell you over dinner?” Patsy was hopeful for a moment to herself.

“Yes. Yes of course sweetie.” Trixie smiled sadly and went back to the living room with the others. Patsy took off upstairs.

In the living room Barbara piqued up at Trixie coming back. “Is she alright? Patsy I mean. And of course Delia too.”

Trixie frowned. “I’m not sure if either of them are alright truthfully.” She sat next to Barbara on the sofa. “Patsy doesn’t give much away, but she said she’d explain later.”

Apparently that would have to do. Phyllis watched Trixie puzzled for a moment then went back to her magazine. Phyllis always saw more than the others did.

Later Patsy came down to dinner doing her best to look completely normal - this worried Trixie and Phyllis. Patsy recounted Delia’s physical condition like she would any other patient, but it was obvious to everyone that there was more to it. Patsy left the amnesia till the last moment, then said it quickly, hoping to brush it off.

“She has amnesia. Can’t remember her own parents.”

“Oh gosh, that’s awful!” Barbara gasped out.

“Yes. Yes it is.” Patsy refused to look up at anyone, she just wanted to eat. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she came downstairs to find one of Mrs B’s fine spreads on the table.

Trixie leaned toward Patsy and spoke warily. “Can she remember you? Or Being a nurse? Anything at all?”

“No. When she first woke up I’m told she didn’t know her own name.” Patsy swallowed harshly.

“Poor, poor lass.” Phyllis spoke up with the most heartfelt look on her face. “Do the doctors think her memory will come back?”

Patsy looked up. “They’re hopeful but no one’s promising anything.”

No one could say anything to make this better, not at all and everyone knew it. Sister Julienne moved the conversation away and onto clinical matter to give everyone a rest of such horrible news.

Patsy gratefully made it into bed before Trixie and was sat up smoking when the stylish blonde came upstairs.

“You look better than you did last night. At least that’s something.” Trixie smiled and got ready for bed. She got into bed eventually and watched Patsy. “You know you can tell me anything don’t you?” Patsy’s head snapped over to Trixie while trying to hide her panic. “You can talk to me about it all. I mean I’d be awfully upset too if someone I was so close to couldn’t remember me either.” Trixie reassured her. 

She couldn’t know anything. Her and Delia were always so careful. That doesn’t stop one from being panicked when there was even a hint someone might’ve guessed what their relationship really was. Patsy smiled tight-lipped. “I think right now I need sleep. But thanks Trix.”

“Alright. Sleep well.”

Patsy rolled over and buried herself under her blankets. Trixie looked perplexed, but left her alone and switched out the light. Patsy’s mind raced about what she’d need to sort out, what she would tell everyone and how they’d react, not to mention what it was going to be like living with strangers in a place she’d never been before. What on earth had she gotten herself in for? Taking care of the woman she loved was going to be very complicated. Now she’d have to touch the money from her father she pretended she didn’t have or want. But at least he thought of her, she supposed. He hadn’t spent time with her in 3 years, but that really wasn’t unusual for their lack-of-relationship.

Patsy fell asleep looking forward to being able to spend time with Delia and hoping her condition didn’t take a sudden turn for the worst during the night...


	3. Revelations at Nonnatus

Delia woke up for the third time that day after a seizure. This time the people she was told were her parents weren’t there. This time it was the beautiful posh woman with the red hair.  _ I think her name is Patsy. _

“Hello...” Delia croaked out while blinking away the brain fog.

Patsy smiled down at her in the bed, her hand on Delia’s arm. “Good afternoon.” She shook her head, internally cursing herself. “Sorry. You had a seizure just as I arrived. It must be a bit of a shock to suddenly find me sitting here.”  _ Not as much of a shock as seeing the woman you love have a fit. _

“Oh. That’s alright.” Delia smiled at Patsy’s thoughtfulness. 

“I had a shift this morning. I would have been in sooner too see you if I hadn’t.”

Delia smiled at the thought this woman wanted to spend so much time with her.

“I was... concerned you might not remember me from yesterday?” Patsy was cautious.

Delia looked down. “I only remember a little from yesterday.” She looked back up at Patsy. “Your name is Patsy?”

“Yes.” Patsy nodded and released a breath. “And do you remember that I’m going to be looking after you when your parents take you home?”

Delia thought for a moment. It was fuzzy... “Sort of...”

“You were rather adamant yesterday that I should.” Patsy grinned. “Your mother had to give in.”

Delia’s eyes go wide. “Was I rude to her?” She looked towards the door where her mother might be. “Is she upset with me? I don’t remember doing that.” It struck Patsy that she was usually the one with that look of panic on her face and not Delia. Now it was her turn to be comforting and strong.

She squeezed Delia’s arm. “No, no I don’t think she was bothered. And I actually think your father was quite pleased to see you be so cheeky like you were.. well, how you were before the accident. How you will be again.” Patsy bit her lip.  _ I’ve put my foot in it there. _

Delia looked down. “I know I’m disappointing everyone. And when I go home it won’t get better, there’ll just be more people to disappoint.” She fiddled with the blankets. “I don’t remember home, so it doesn’t feel good at all to know I’m going somewhere else.” She looked up quickly. “Not that I like being in hospital of course.”

Patsy smiled and laughed once. “No I don’t imagine it’s very pleasant being stuck in here for long.” She sighed. “If it helps, I’ve no idea what your parents house or village looks like, or anything much about your family. So you see, it will all be new for me too. We can tackle it together.”

Delia smiled softly just watching Patsy’s face. That was the best thing anyone could’ve said to her in that moment. She wanted to hug Patsy, but the thought of twisting her body around like that was agony. “That sounds okay to me then.” She bit her lip shyly. How did she get so lucky to be good friends with this woman? It made her think as hard as possible to remember Patsy. She had so many questions for the woman, but one sprung to mind straight away. Her face darkened as she thought.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Well... No one told me what happened, except that I was hit by a car. I think you said yesterday that we’re best friends, so... Do you know what happened to me?”

Oh god. How was Patsy going to explain it without having to explain that they‘d moved in together, and then having to explain their relationship. There is no way she could put that pressure on Delia. What if Delia couldn’t remember what she was? She couldn’t remember things that happened yesterday for goodness sake. She’d have to come to terms with her sexuality all over again and now was not the time to do that. 

_ Play it safe.  _ “You were late for work and I wasn’t needed on shift till much later, so... So I suggested you borrow my bike to get to the hospital faster. I don’t know what happened exactly, but a car was going too fast for that particular road. You were knocked off and hit your head on the road.” She looked up to check Delia’s expression.

Delia was blank, trying to picture it. “Thank you...” She spoke softly.

Patsy stared at Delia and hoped against hope that Delia didn’t ask more about why she was with Patsy to borrow the bike in the first place. But she didn’t ask, she just sat there fidgeting with her hospital wristband. Patsy put her hand over Delia’s softly. Delia looked up at her and all Patsy could think about was reaching over and kissing her. Those familiar, soft lips were what she needed. She craved that feeling. She wanted to kiss every scab and bruise on her face. _Maybe I could? I could just lean in and kiss her. Maybe she’d like it?_

Unbeknownst to Patsy, Delia was thinking the same thing. The thought shocked her. She gasped slightly and brought her hands back to her sides and adjusted herself in the bed to ease the tension. She smiled at Patsy like everything was suddenly fantastic. The most awkward smile in the world.  _ Say something you fool. _ She cursed herself.

Anwen burst through the door with Huw in tow. Patsy relaxed and was relieved she hadn’t done something so reckless. 

“Oh, hello Patsy.” Anwen smiled tightly. Patsy smiled back.  _ This is going to be fun. _

They settled into a conversation about when they’d leave for Wales, how much could Patsy bring with her, when and where they’d pick her up. Patsy insisted she’d pay them board while she was staying with them. Huw wouldn’t hear of it.

“No. No, you’ll be doing enough by looking after our Delia. That’s more than enough.”

Everything seemed straight forward enough and Mrs Busby didn’t make it too difficult thankfully. Patsy wished Delia goodbye again still wanting to kiss her, at least on the cheek, but she didn’t. She left feeling a bit sadder than she had. It was still far too strange for Patsy to look in her love’s eyes and not see any recognition. The day was going to get harder though. Tonight she had to tell everyone at Nonnatus House that she was leaving, and she didn’t know how long for. 

***

After dinner ended Sister Julienne went to her office while the other nuns, along with Phyllis went to watch the TV with Sister Monica Joan. Juke Box Jury was on and Sister Monica Joan was her own favourite judge. Trixie and Barbara had taken control of washing the dishes. Patsy saw this as her perfect chance to talk to Sister Julienne without anyone noticing. Trixie however did notice and looked worried.

She knocked on the door and the sister called her in immediately. “Have a seat Nurse Mount, how may I help you?”

Patsy sat stiffly with her hands folded in her lap. “Is this anything to do with Nurse Busby?”

Patsy perked up. “Ah. Yes sister.” Patsy gulped. “As you know Delia has quite serious head injuries and her parents are taking her home to Wales in a week.”

“Mhm yes.” Sister Julienne smiled encouragingly. 

“Well, she’ll need round-the-clock care for the foreseeable future, and I’ve volunteered myself for that job. And Delia’s parents have accepted.” 

“I can’t say this has come as a total surprise to me Nurse Mount.” Patsy looked worried. “I’m aware of how much you care for Nurse Busby, it’s evident by your pain at her being so tragically hurt.” Patsy didn’t know what to say. “Have you been informed how long Miss Busby’s care will take?”

“No sister. At the moment it’s all up in the air I’m afraid.” She paused and looked down at her hands. “I know I can’t expect my job to be here when I get back, but I really do want you to know living and working here has been the best years of my life and I hope I can return one day, if you’ll have me. And I hope that my leaving won’t be a terrible inconvenience.”

Sister Julienne smiled warmly at her. “Of course, Nurse Mount, you will always have a place here if you want it. And we’ll manage. The war didn’t stop us, nothing can.”

“Really sister? Is it really all alright?” Tears welled in Patsy’s eyes.

“Of course, my dear. Patsy, you have been a wonderful addition to our staff, and been a good friend too. I don’t have to tell you that you’ll be missed dearly and that we all will hope you return.”

Patsy nodded and smiled through tears. “I hope I can come back sister. I really appreciate how understanding you’ve been. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

Sister Julienne stood and came around the desk to hug Patsy. They’d certainly never hugged before and Patsy wasn’t one for hugging people - other than Delia. But this hug was accepted by her without hesitation.

“Now I’m sure you’d like to go tell the others about your news?”

Patsy nodded and and wiped her eyes. Sister Julienne smiled and opened the door for Patsy who smiled and left the room. Trixie walked out of the kitchen as Patsy went to enter the sitting room. “What on earth is going on?” Trixie whispered. 

Patsy looked suddenly shy. Trixie was probably not going to like this news. “I have something to tell everyone.”

Patsy took a deep breath and stepped into the room while Trixie stood a little way off. Everyone except from Sister Monica Joan looked up at Patsy. Phyllis removing her glasses and lowering her book.

“I’ve something to tell you all. You all know how ill Delia has been, well. I’m going to be leaving to go to Wales with Delia to be her personal nurse.” She took a breath.

“You can’t...” Trixie breathed then caught herself. “Sorry, I just mean... I’ll miss you.” She looked suddenly shy. “When are you going?”

“At the end of the week.” Patsy looked at an upset Trixie, everything was silent. “I think I’ll go get some fresh air.”

And with that Patsy left the room to go outside.

Phyllis spoke up. “Good on her.”

Trixie huffed and left the room too.

***

Patsy sat on a bench by Fred’s vegetable beds in the garden outside Nonnatus, smoking several cigarettes. Phyllis held two cups of Tea in her hands as she approached a silent Patsy. 

“Here you go kid.” Patsy jumped at Phyllis suddenly standing next to her. She smiled and took the mug. Phyllis sat next to Patsy on the bench and neither of them spoke for a few moments.

Phyllis was never one for beathing-about-the-bush, she’d get right in there and speak plainly. This situation however, was rather different. If one said the wrong thing Patsy could be very upset, but Phyllis reasoned that there wasn’t much she could say that would make Patsy feel worse.

“I think you’re doing the right thing.” Phyllis spoke softly. Patsy just turned to her and stared, then nodded and looked away.

Phyllis took a deep breath. “You love her don’t you?” She held her breath. Patsy refused to reply, taking another drag of her cigarette. “She’s more than a friend, I think?”

Patsy just stared at Phyllis. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean...” She paused. “I mean that you love her like... I don’t quite know how to put it.” Phyllis looked down a moment then suddenly turned fully to face Patsy looking determined. “You two were in a relationship, you were in love. Am I right?”

Patsy froze. She looked down trying not to cry.  _ How obvious am I? Has she told anyone? Is that why Sister Julienne is letting me go? _

“Have you told anyone?” Patsy asked without looking up.

“No. No kid. But I’m going to take that as a confirmation, and I’ll keep it to myself.”

Patsy bit her lip and looked up at Phyllis.

“To love someone is a precious thing and you should hold on with both hands, and never let go.”

A tear slid down Patsy’s face. Silently Phyllis put her hand on Patsy’s shoulder and squeezed. “Does anyone else know about you two?”

“No. I don’t think so. Will you really not tell anyone?” 

“Of course not. But I think you need someone to talk to. We should never bottle things up, no good ever comes of it.”

Patsy looked up and away and let out an incredulous laugh. “Who on earth am I going to tell?”

“I. That’s the problem.” She patted Patsy’s shoulder before letting go. “You’ll figure it out. ” Phyllis stood. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” 

“Thank you.” Patsy whispered as Phyllis disappeared back inside.  _ What a brick. Unbelievable.  _ She laughed again.  _ Truly unbelievable. _ Sometimes people you think you know really can surprise you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall, thanks for all the nice encouraging comments! Much appreciated. :)


	4. Endings and beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for slow updating. Life just keeps happening, you know? haha

Patsy had everything packed, she’d handed her uniform back and had a huge pile of books to read about amnesia and head injuries. The next few days after Delia’s accident were taken up with reading and sitting by Delia while she slept. Delia was on a heavy sedative during the night and again at midday, so she was only awake a few hours in the morning, then again around dinner time.

Huw and Anwen sat with her at times but weren’t there as much as Patsy - which she was grateful for. Even though Delia was sleeping, she was still alone with her, holding her hand until she woke up. And when she woke and saw Patsy she always smiled. Just like today, two days away from leaving hospital.

Patsy sat by Delia’s bed reading about ‘abnormalities of the mind post cranial trauma’ as Delia woke up. She smiled at Patsy engrossed in the book and smirked. She had one leg crossed over the other while biting her thumb and looked rather elegant and adorable. Delia was glad she could now remember the last few days and knew who Patsy and her parents were - not from before the accident but sine she’d ‘met’ them again.

“That must be fascinating.” Patsy jumped as Delia spoke.

“Hello you, and yes it is.” She smiled as she closed the book and set it down on the table next to her. She frowned. “You shouldn’t be awake just yet.” She checked her watch. It was 2pm which she usually slept through.

“They took down my dose of sleepy meds today.”

“Is that the scientific term for your medication is it?” Patsy smirked, hoping Delia was joking instead of actually not remembering any of her training. Maybe all of that knowledge was still there, just hidden away?

“It is now.” Delia smiled and yawned.

Patsy giggled. “No one told me.”

“Well that was rude. They said I’m going down a dose seeing as the swelling’s going down and I’m leaving soon.” She observed Patsy for a second. “We must be very good friends for you to give up so much to look after me... Do I have other friends?”

“Yes, a couple of girls from your training days. And some from the ward you worked on.”

“I haven’t been visited by anyone else. I don’t think so anyway.”

“I don’t think you were very close with them. We mostly spent time together whe we had time off.”

“Well we must be very fond of each other then?”

“Mm yes we are. Best friends....”

“I’m glad my best friend’s looking after me. And I suppose you know a lot more about me than other people do...?”

“Yes I suppose so.” Patsy looked as if she was hiding something. Was Delia a bad person? What was it that was so bad that Patsy couldn’t say?  _ But if I was a bad person I doubt I’d have such a lovely friend... _

“So you could fill me in if I need to know something?”

“Mmhm, I can try.”

Delia looked away shyly. “You know... I trust you more than anyone else.” She looked up biting her lip. “You’re more honest and you’re always here, everyday when I wake up. So I figure I can trust you the most.”

Patsy honest? Well in the grand scheme of things, yes. But about matters of the heart or her past, honest was not a word she’d attribute to herself.

***

Later that day Delia is lying in bed about to doze off for the night when she thought of Patsy. Was it strange to tell Patsy - her friend - that she trusted her more than her parents? Would Patsy find that odd? And why did she feel that way? No, no need to question why, she knew why. It was the way Patsy looked at her with such adoration and perhaps affection - they must be such good friends. She liked it when she saw Patsy, it was the best bit of her day. Patsy was beautiful - the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen that she could remember. Patsy held her hand while she was sleeping. She knew that because the first time she woke up, before she moved or opened her eyes, she lay there feeling Patsy’s hand hold hers. Now she lay there deliberately pretending to be asleep everyday at the time Patsy would be there just for a few minutes. It felt so comforting and warm. No matter how much she had lost of her life with her memory she had this feeling. It was grounding and safe and she didn’t ever want to let go.

Delia wished she could wake up fully enveloped in Patsy’s arms, against her body instead of just her hand. She’d been so tempted earlier in the day to pull Patsy into the bed with her and make her stay. Her feelings scared her.  _ Had being near Patsy always felt this way? Would anyone know if it had?  _ She didn’t think this would be the sort of thing to tell other people - even, or maybe especially Patsy.  _ Why am I so bothered by this? Why do I feel ashamed? _ Things in Delia’s mind were still a little fuzzy and hard to comprehend. And this was something that was beginning to be unsettling and headache inducing. She huffed and rolled over in bed, she winced - forgetting how sore she was. She groaned.  _ One more day here and then I leave _ . She kept repeating that. Maybe things would be clearer back  _ home _ ? With Patsy. Home with Patsy. That felt right, thinking about Patsy being part of her home. Her parents didn’t quite feel like it yet though...

Her Dad though was quite friendly and easy to talk to. He seemed like he was a genuinely good and understanding man, and she wasn’t too afraid of being honest with him. He didn’t seem angry when she didn’t remember things, unlike her Mam who did come across angry. Or maybe it was sort of a flustered response? Her Dad just seemed sad and gave her a smile like he understood. 

Going home was going to be strange and possibly not a good experience. It would be good to have more freedom and just get out of the damn bed for a start. But not having any idea what her home looked like was unsettling. 

***

Two days later Patsy stood outside Nonnatus with everyone who lived there gathered around her. Suitcases sat on the bottom step and Trixie stood to her side smoking. 

“Come here sweetie.” Trixie said as she wrapped Patsy in an uncharacteristic hug. A very tight and long hug. Barbara came up behind the two and joined the hug. 

“We’re going to miss you so much.” Barbara squeezed them both hard. 

“I’ll miss you all too.” Patsy replied quietly and they all let go.

Trixie grasped Patsy’s shoulders as she spoke. “And don’t you dare back out of our deal. We have to come and see you!” Patsy smiled and nodded sadly.

The Busby’s car pulled up and stopped at the bottom of the steps. Trixie glanced over and hugged Patsy close again. “We’ll always be friends Trix, I promise.” Patsy whispered. They both held back tears as Patsy made her way down the steps to her suitcases.

“See you in the new year Patsy!” Barbara called out after her.

“We’ll write and we’ll set a date probably, I promise Babs.” Patsy smiled back. Trixie hugged herself as Patsy looked over at her. She nodded back at Patsy as if to say  _ don’t worry about me _ . She’d be okay Patsy thought.

Mr Busby opened the car boot for Patsy’s cases and put his hands up, insisting he take care of it for her. “No, no let me get this for you. It’s the least I can do for the nurse who’s taking care of my girl.” He flashed a big grin her way.  _ She’s my girl too _ . Patsy thought as she smiled back. He opened the back door of the car for her too. 

“There’s no need really. I may have a posh accent, but I’m just the same as everyone else.” Patsy protested with a smile. 

“Ah, let an old man have something to do eh.” He laughed. Patsy turned and waved at everyone; an excited Barbara, a teary-eyed Trixie and a proud Phyllis, and a group of smiling nuns - her family. She would come back eventually... It hurt to leave, but it had to be done. It would be okay, or at least that’s what she had decided to tell herself.

Patsy got into the car and they pulled away from Nonnatus. She didn’t know when she’d be back, the uncertainty was unsettling. She turned and waved out of the back window. A heavy breath was released as she closed her eyes and lent her head back. It was like a book closing in her life and arriving at the hospital was going to be the first page of the next one.

***

Delia was waiting anxiously in her room at the hospital. One of the nurses had helped her dress in an outfit her mother had brought in for her the day before. Rather conservative for what she thought might be her taste. But anything was better than a hospital gown with tubes and wires stuck into you. She was all stiff and weak from not being allowed out of bed even once since her accident. Walking was seeming like a frightening prospect.

Footsteps clicking authoritatively against the linoleum floor in the hall came closer. Delia’s stomach fluttered with a hope the shoes belonged to Patsy.  _ Stop it. _ She berated herself. It was silly getting this excited over someone she’d known for a week.

Patsy followed by Huw pushing a wheelchair approached Delia’s room. Anwen had been  _ eventually _ persuaded to stay in the car, for fear of over-whelming Delia. “Have a rest for the sake of your nerves, love.” Huw had told her as he grinned sneakily at Patsy. One would get the impression Huw knew just how irritating his wife could be.

Delia’s heart skipped a beat and a smile overtook her face as Patsy entered the room. To say Patsy was pleased with this response was an understatement. 

“Hello Delia.”

“Morning darling.” Huw added after Patsy.

“Hello.” Delia chirped. 

“You look lovely dear.” Huw took the words right out of Patsy’s mouth.

“Yes... you look well.” Patsy smiled.

“Thanks, I do feel quite better, but I still feel sore all over.” Delia shrugged.

Patsy grimaced. “You may feel that way a little longer I’m afraid.” She moved the wheelchair over to Delia’s side. “How about we use this to get you to the car? I don’t expect or want you to be walking such a distance yet.”

Thank God! Delia thought with relief. “Yes thank you. I was just thinking how wobbly I am.” She looked around herself and put her hands on the arm rests of her chair. “I’m not sure I can even stand by myself actually.”

“You’re in luck. That’s the sort of thing I’m trained for.” Patsy smiled with bright eyes. “Shuffle yourself to the edge of your chair and put your arms around me, then push off on the arm rests.”

_ What?!  _ That sounded like a rather nice idea... Delia thought. She did as she was told and it felt marvellous. Not the being lifted out of a chair and being sore all over, but the soft, warm feeling of being held by Patsy. As she was helped to stand Patsy put her arms fully around Delia to manoeuvre her into the wheelchair. It was over too soon for the both of them as Delia was gently let down into a sitting position.

Patsy immediately took charge of pushing the chair. It felt wonderful to Delia to be being pushed around by Patsy and knowing she was that close and in charge. When they got to the car the same move was needed again to get Delia into the back seat. Patsy slid in beside her and put her belt on for her - it was too painful to twist. “Thanks...” Delia whispered.

Anwen was turned around in her chair fussing over Delia for the next hour or so. Patsy didn’t want to keep any kind of eye on the clock, it would just be more irritating. Something inside her made her think Delia was feeling the same way. The way she kept saying “Yes Mam.” Over and over again was getting a bit obvious.

“How about we play a game of I spy? It would be good for Delia’s memory.” Patsy interjected hopeful that the woman would leave Delia alone - she looked tired.

“That sounds good.” Delia tilted her head towards Patsy with a smile and an eye roll.

The game didn’t last long but Delia was the clear winner after knowing the name of a wild-flower growing by the side of the road. Patsy was playfully outraged. “Of course you know the name of some horrible flowering weed miss Delia running-barefoot-in-the-fields-and-climbing-trees Busby.” Delia poked out her tongue and they both laughed. Huw watched on in the rear-view mirror with a warm smile. Delia looked practically back to normal aside from the bruising and tiny scabs. He gulped at the memory of seeing her for the first time in hospital, unconscious.

An hour or so later still passing fields Delia lent into Patsy. It was comforting for both of them to feel so close and relaxed. Delia snuggled up further to her as Patsy bravely decided to put an arm around her. Delia’s mind was woozy and tired and she soon fell asleep against a soft, warm body. Patsy held her tighter and rested her head gently against Delia’s - avoiding the bruising as best she could. It felt hopeful to Patsy that Delia was quite content at being this close.  _ Maybe somewhere in her subconscious she knows how much we love each other... _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much appreciation for reading folks! :)


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